Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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