I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
