Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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