Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
