my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
