im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
