I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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