i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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