My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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