I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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