it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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