I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
