why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
i think i just lost a toe
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
