You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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