o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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