i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
