oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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