Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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