i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
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