mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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