Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
