she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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