my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
