just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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