Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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