I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
