I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
