Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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