If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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