Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
