Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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