Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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