just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
