I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Plan B is the new Plan A
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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