we have pet lesbian snakes
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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