I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
