um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
