Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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