I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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