He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
where does the pee come out of this thing
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
