I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
