hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
