we're blogging at a bar
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
