So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Randomize
