He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
