I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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