Need sex. Gaining weight.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
