I wanna bring you to show and tell
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
