Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
