You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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