"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
