At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
