Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
