I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
