I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
