i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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