Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
