I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
