Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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