yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
