we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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