I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
