he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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