If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
