How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I have fence marks all over my body
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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