Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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