just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
