I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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