Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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