You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Pants are for mortals
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
i out mim tonsoeep
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