Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
