So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
