I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
