Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize