Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
