I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Randomize
