If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
