Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
