He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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