My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
