I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
