Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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