so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
